Tumor NonUpdate

No result about that biopsy when I did my follow up with Dr. Neuro yesterday. Saw the radiologist report which said that it was...and I forget the exact wording..probably/likely/most likely malignant but that an infection can't be ruled out. Spot on lung. Spot on liver.

Radiologist called spot on lung "chronic" ...whatever that means. Dr. Student, this is a teaching hospital, gave me assurances that anyone who has a cat scan of their body is going to have spots of this and that turn up and that it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Dr. Neuro emphatically said that it has to be looked into more carefully but he's turning me over the cancer docs at MD Anderson and I won't be his patient any more on this issue.

I've been emailing folks privately telling them that the radiologist reported the tumor was 7.5 cm, but that is not correct. The wall of the intestine is what was 7.5 cm thick. Dr. Neuro also said that lymph nodes are swollen and then gave me more mindless reassurances that this can be the case if it's all the result of an infection.

Bought three pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream: New York Super Fudge, Chunky Monkey, Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Fresh pineapple, more sushi, and a couple of gallons of white grape juice and apple juice set aside in anticipation of having three feet of intestine removed. Maybe if I gain enough wait from overeating this will magically cause the biopsy to come back as "Psyche! It's just a nasty infection after all."

Appointment this morning with Dr. Gastro to discuss biopsy results and surgery. I'll try to pass the scar on the belly off to my seven and eight year old as a shark bite.

I sincerely and deeply appreciate your comments and emails. I wish I had more time to respond individually and perhaps when things are diagnosed and they take this thing out I'll have time to go back and do this. Some people have asked what they can do for me other than simple emotional support and there is nothing really. We met our deductible. Having the friendship and input of cooler heads has really helped. Chit chat has helped distract me as well.

I also discovered Cicero's De Officiis. Philosophically speaking Cicero may be the shoulders that Kant stood on. Wiki says that De Officiis was the second book printed after the Gutenberg Bible and that it was the moral authority of the Middle Ages.

"For no phase of life, whether public or private, whether in business or in the home, whether one is working on what concerns oneself alone or dealing with another, can be without its moral duty; on the discharge of such duties depends all that is morally right, and on their neglect all that is morally wrong in life." Cicero in De Officiis

It's not a bad time for Stoicism.